You Can’t Hang With The Squirtle Squad

You think trying to hang with Squirtle Squad is a good idea? You’re wrong.

1. What’s up? You wanna hang with our crew?

Cartoon Network / Via billyjustus.tumblr.com

Well first things first…

2. We drink and eat all day, son. ALL DAY.

Cartoon Network / Via viewtifuljehhsee.tumblr.com

So drink five of these and eat four of these. DO IT NOW.

3. Time to get to business…

Cartoon Network / Via swimteamsharkly.tumblr.com

When you’re hanging with the Squirtle Squad, you gotta break the law before the law breaks you.

4. NOW WE DANCE

Cartoon Network / Via take-it-sleazyy.tumblr.com

Marvel at our vandalism. We stuck it to the man. He cannot hold us… Wait, is that the cops?!

5. Is there a problem, officer?

Cartoon Network / Via meteor-falls.tumblr.com

Wanna fight about it? IT’S ON!

6. ‘SPLOSIONS

Cartoon Network / Via nyxnperona.tumblr.com

BOOM!

7. Coast is clear! Wait, are you hiding down here?!

Cartoon Network / Via latiox.tumblr.com

You dumb idiot. We knew you couldn’t hang.

8. NO ONE CAN HANG WITH THE SQUIRTLE SQUAD

Cartoon Network / Via butt-berry.tumblr.com

No one.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/bobmarshall/the-squirtle-squad-will-own-you


War on women! Biden says ‘I’m going to give you the whole load today’

Yes, that happened. Biden has absolutely ruined “That’s what he said.” For that alone, he must pay. Also, eww! We don’t even want to know what “business” he’s talking about.

Neither do Twitter users.

Um, what biz is that? RT @carrienbcnews: Biden: “As they say in my business, I’m going to give you the whole load today.” #ThatJustHappened

— Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) October 31, 2012

Has anyone ever heard another politician say “I’m going to give you the whole load” before? Asking for a friend.

— Matt Cover (@MattCover) October 31, 2012

Half a load is fine with me, thanks. RT @carrienbcnews: Biden: “As they say in my business, I’m going to give you the whole load today.”

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) October 31, 2012

Oh, dear. It gets worse.

Biden says he’s going to give crowd in Sarasora “the whole load today” beccause he is “frustrated, frustrated with these guys.”

— Daniel Strauss (@DanielStrauss4) October 31, 2012

No more talkies, Joe. Please.

Update: Epic mocking begins.

Joe’s feelin’ frisky. RT @carrienbcnews: Biden: “As they say in my business, I’m going to give you the whole load today.” #ThatJustHappened

— The Sports Hernia (@TheSportsHernia) October 31, 2012

Biden invokes Pillow talk at rally >Biden: ‘I’m Going to Give You the Whole Load Today’ | The Weekly Standard weeklystandard.com/blogs/biden-im…

— Laurie Bailey (@LaurieBailey) October 31, 2012

PornRT @soopermexican: RT @carrienbcnews: Biden: “As they say in my business, I’m going to give you the whole load today.” #ThatJustHappened

— brad (@bdaw73) October 31, 2012

Joe Biden promises to give “the whole load today.”That is the real #WaronWomen, my friends.

— Conservative Voice (@ConservativeVox) October 31, 2012

You just got Biden’d. RT @carrienbcnews Biden: “As they say in my business, I’m going to give you the whole load today.” #ThatJustHappened

— Torr Leonard (@torrHL) October 31, 2012

What business is he in? Old Perverts, Co.? >>> Biden: ‘I’m Going to Give You the Whole Load Today’ shar.es/c9tfk via @sharethis

— Alex Carlisle (@carlisle_alex) October 31, 2012

Watch out ladies, Biden is shooting his whole load today.weeklystandard.com/blogs/biden-im…

— Bill G (@beer_tender) October 31, 2012

Hide yo’ wives!

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/10/31/eww-this-happened-biden-says-im-going-to-give-you-the-whole-load-today/


Libs boycott organic food company that doesn’t cover birth control

Organic food company Eden Foods doesn’t want to provide contraceptive coverage for its 150 employees. Via Grist.org:

In Eden Foods Inc. v. Kathleen Sebelius, filed in federal court in March of 2013, the company claimed its religious freedom was being violated by the Affordable Care Act’s mandate that employee health insurance cover birth control. The suit argued that “contraception or abortifacients … almost always involve immoral and unnatural practices.” In October, the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided against Eden Foods, ruling that a for-profit company cannot exercise religion.

But then, on June 30, the Supreme Court ruled in the Hobby Lobby case that family-owned, “closely held” companies can use religion as an excuse to flout the birth control mandate. Eden Foods is one of a few dozen “closely held” for-profit companies that have filed suit over the Affordable Care Act’s contraceptive mandate. On July 1, the Supreme Court ordered the 6th Circuit Court to reconsider its decision against Eden Foods and another plaintiff with a similar case.

The company’s attorneys at Thomas More Law Center released a statement about the case on Wednesday following the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby ruling:

For years, Michael Potter, a Roman Catholic, President and sole shareholder of Eden Foods Corporation, for religious reasons, had arranged for the Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance coverage he designed for his employees to specifically exclude coverage for contraception and abortifacients.  In accordance with his Catholic faith, Potter believes that any action which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation, whether as an end or means”—including abortifacients and contraception—is wrong.

The HHS Mandate forced Potter to make a choice between violating a foremost tenet of his faith or face fines up to $4.5 million per year.

Potter brought the lawsuit because he cannot compartmentalize his faith and his business practices.

Eden Foods itself tweeted a link to this statement:

Clinton, Michigan – Eden Foods is a principled food company. We were convinced that actions of the federal government were illegal, and so filed a formal objection. The recent Supreme Court decision confirms, at least in part, that we were correct. We realized in making our objection that it would give rise to grotesque mischaracterizations and fallacious arguments. We did not fully anticipate the degree of maliciousness and corruption that would visit us. Nevertheless, we believe we did what we should have.

The objection we filed has never been part of the Hobby Lobby lawsuit.

Naturally, the Sandra Fluke brigade says it will no longer buy Eden Foods’ products:


http://twitter.com/#!/iridelikeagirl/status/483667844735856640

Regardless of one’s views about the morality of contraception, why shouldn’t a company be allowed to configure its health benefits however it wishes? Perhaps it is time for a conservative “buycott”!

http://twitter.com/#!/highside2020/status/485071443781115905

 

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2014/07/06/libs-urge-boycott-of-organic-food-company-that-doesnt-cover-its-employees-birth-control/


‘Scaring people to sell’ guns: Actress Constance Marie goes on anti-NRA rant

It’s the same old story. Another Hollywood celebrity attacks the “unreasonable” NRA.

Guns R weapons made to kill but, also products that need to be sold. @nra JUST ADMIT that ur in the business scaring people to sell mor GUNS

— Constance Marie (@goconstance) March 24, 2013

Hello? @nraLets keep the conversation REASONABLE & logical THEN we will make progress#ProtectChildrenNotGuns bit.ly/15HHNHB

— Constance Marie (@goconstance) March 24, 2013

Actually, the scary part is that freedom in America is being cut off at every turn.

Update:

Since some of Twitchy’s Twitter followers aren’t familiar with Constance Marie, best known for her role as Angie Lopez on the “George Lopez” TV series, here’s a link to her IMDB profile.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/03/24/scaring-people-to-sell-guns-actress-constance-marie-goes-on-anti-nra-rant/


Twitter goes down for a few minutes, chaos ensues

Facebook goes down, no-ones bothered. Twitter goes down and it’s a worldwide CRISIS. #calmitpeople

— Shannon Hathway (@shannonios) November 15, 2012

Twitter’s dreaded Fail Whale surfaced for a few minutes this afternoon, and confusion quickly turned to despair:

TWITTER WAS DOWN FOR 5 MINUTES AND IT WAS THE LONGEST 5 MINUTES OF MY LIFE

— shani (@zooeydegucci) November 15, 2012

how come my twitter went down? ): a punishment 0.0

— Sula Allibone(@Sula_Rose) November 15, 2012

Worst thing about Twitter going down is not being able to tweet that it is down

— Søren Hugger Møller (@spiri) November 15, 2012

My twitter just broke down on me :( oh baby

— bronte (@brontecouzens) November 15, 2012

I nearly cried earlier when twitter was down, didn’t know what to do with myself

— katie (@_katiemccreadie) November 15, 2012

And to think it took twitter being down for me to realize I don’t have a life

— Dustin Petry (@dustin_petry) November 15, 2012

twitter was down for 5 minutes and I was actually considering a social life

— sigh (@itslukebrooks_) November 15, 2012

Talk about desperate measures.

Twitter was down for 5 minutes and I had no Idea what to do with my life…this shows I should spend less time on the interweb..but I won’t

— Molly (@MollyMoo4321) November 15, 2012

Twitter went down, life was over

— MΛDE IN CHΛNEL (@_fabulousamy_) November 15, 2012

For those few minutes twitter was down I felt like I was alone in this world… lol.

— 16 Days ♬ (@We_Love_SellyG) November 15, 2012

I was pooping when twitter went down and I sat there like, “the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

— Jake {RP} (@ShakeItJake_) November 15, 2012

Um, we wish Twitter had stayed down for that guy.

@delicious_de_ What would we do without twitter, it goes down and its like a lifeline gets cut off

— Sarah G (@depmode40) November 15, 2012

twitter being down for5 minutes felt like 5 years

— rimsh▲ (@harryIujah) November 15, 2012

They said the world would end in 2012 and for 10 minutes back there it technically did. When Twitter went down !!!

— Craig (@East_End_Boy) November 15, 2012

I wonder how many heart attacks were had when twitter just went down for no more than five minutes.

— J.D. (@iownjd) November 15, 2012

Whilst twitter was down twitter.com/Charm4nd3r/sta…

— Han vs Food (@Charm4nd3r) November 15, 2012

Thankfully, Twitter returned, and there was much rejoicing:

yay twitter is back

— Callum Warriner (@CallumWarriner) November 15, 2012

Twitter is now back in business

— Laura Eva (@InMyOwnWORLDDD) November 15, 2012

omg twitter is back yay

— Sonic the Hedgehog™ (@_chyskii) November 15, 2012

AHHHHH TWITTER’S BACK

— Romaƞ Zolaƞski♕ (@HeyItsAbbazinga) November 15, 2012

twitter is back!!!!!!

— emme ☾☆(@horansta) November 15, 2012

ugh thank god twitter is back

— Juan (@vgetable) November 15, 2012

And twitter is back.. yey.. 10mins of no twitter felt like an eternity.. #charot

— Lalance Sama (@lalancelot) November 15, 2012

Whew, Twitter is back. Thought I was gonna have to text you assholes

— Christopher J (@TrailBlazinPDX) November 15, 2012

Twitter is back! That was the worst 5 minutes of my life…(That’s what she said…)

— Real Joey.™ (@StayJoeyfied) November 15, 2012

oh good twitter’s back

— Hulia (@_kiyomichan) November 15, 2012

Thank god Twitter is back like it was saying temporarily unavailable for like 15 minutes omg

— ❄Jamie Alan❄ (@moanytwat) November 15, 2012

Twitter is back, I can stop banging my head against the wall now.

— AlFAP WANKstein (@The_ONE_Adrian) November 15, 2012

Twitter is back! We spent the Dark Times sending unnecessarily brief emails. How about you?

— CNET (@CNET) November 15, 2012

Snort.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/11/15/twitter-goes-down-for-a-few-minutes-chaos-ensues/


Schadenfreudelicious: Marion Barry reportedly penning autobiography

That’s right. Former Washington, D.C., mayor and current councilman Marion Barry is reportedly in the process of penning his autobiography. Or so he claims.

Marion Barry tells the D.C. Council he’s in the process of writing his autobiography.

— Alan Blinder (@alanblinder) May 7, 2013

Oh dear. We suspect we won’t get a mention: He has no love for Twitchy. Perhaps the corruptocrat will devote a chapter to his foul remarks about Filipino nurses and “dirty” Asian shops.

Immediate reaction? Schadenfreudelicious.

#hanukahwishlist RT @alanblinder: Marion Barry tells the D.C. Council he’s in the process of writing his autobiography.”

— Jeremy Barr (@jeremymbarr) May 7, 2013

MUST. READ. RT @alanblinder: Marion Barry tells the D.C. Council he’s in the process of writing his autobiography.

— Rick (@BlasianSays) May 7, 2013

But wait!

As he’s said for at least a couple years. MT @alanblinder: Marion Barry tells the D.C. Council he’s in process of writing autobiography.

— Mike DeBonis (@mikedebonis) May 7, 2013

Maybe he is still too busy arranging dates with voters on Twitter.

Related:

Marion Barry has no love for Twitchy

Thanksgiving suppression? Marion Barry giving away free turkeys; Photo ID required

Marion Barry channels Frederick Douglass: DC isn’t free so ‘put the #$%! hot dog down’

Marion Barry has change of heart after being saved by Filipino hospital staff

Marion Barry: Happy Mother’s Day to ‘my ghost tweeter, a nurturing cancer’; Update: Barry explains

Marion Barry: It’s all the media’s fault! Update: Eleanor Holmes Norton says Barry should apologize

Marion Barry: Let’s get rid of Filipino nurses along with those ‘dirty’ Asian shops

Update: Marion Barry quadruples down on anti-Asian business attack

Marion Barry doubles down on ‘dirty’ Asian shop comments; update: tripling down?

Marion Barry: we must do something about the ‘dirty’ Asians; update: Barry doubles down

Marion Barry arranges date with voter on Twitter

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/05/07/schadenfreudelicious-corruptocrat-marion-barry-reportedly-penning-autobiography/


Video: Biden joins Stephanie Cutter in quoting Chinese propaganda

Oh, Chinese state-run media. The Obama camp just can’t quit you.

Sure, Vice President Biden could have quoted one of the many, many, many American “reporters” bashing Romney, but there’s just something about China’s propaganda machine that speaks to Team Obama.

First, deputy campaign manager Stephanie Cutter called Xinhua’s Romney bashing a “must read” before laughably claiming Mitt Romney won’t stand up to China. And now Biden is also getting the warm fuzzies over the always insightful Communist Party news agency.

Joe Biden in Iowa: "I seldom ever quote official Chinese government news agencies…"

— Reid J. Epstein (@reidepstein) September 17, 2012

Why “seldom,” Joe? The whole campaign is getting in on the sweet, sweet Communist propaganda action.

Uncle Joe’s Xinhua-snuggling, via The Hill.

Seriously, this is what the Chinese government news agency said, and I quote, ‘It’s rather ironic that a considerable portion of this China battering politician’s wealth was actually obtained by doing business with Chinese companies before he entered politics.’

While Obama pretends like he’s tough on China in OH, Biden quotes China propaganda paper in IA. http://t.co/QnLzzwJL

— Reince Priebus (@Reince) September 17, 2012

But remember, Mitt Romney’s honesty when he thinks he’s not being recorded is way worse than what Obama and company serve up for the cameras.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/09/18/not-secret-video-biden-joins-stephanie-cutter-in-embracing-chinese-propaganda/


Empty seats, red faces: Olympics in #ticketshambles

http://twitter.com/#!/ElthamRon/status/229523867251662849

London 2012 chairman and former middle-distance track legend Sebastian Coe insists empty seats are not a problem at the 2012 Olympic Games:

“Lets put this in perspective, those venues are stuffed to the gunwales and the public are in there. I went to three or four venues yesterday and they were full of people. We broke records on the road race,” he said.

Yet many London residents, watching the Olympics from home, don’t believe it:

Why am I watching the Swimming on my sofa when there are more empty seats than not in the Aquatics centre?#ticketshambles

— Marc Owens (@marcowens) July 29, 2012

https://twitter.com/jezfielding/status/229546071112683520

https://twitter.com/TravisBeasley/status/229546032780943360

#ticketshambles glad to see loads of empty seats at Aus vs Bra mens basketball, front and centre, I'd have sat there happily!

— CharlesGreig (@CharlesGreig) July 29, 2012

The Aquatics Centre is certainly not "stuffed to the gunnels" this morning Lord Coe! So many could not get tickets #ticketshambles

— Florian Stephens (@florianstephens) July 29, 2012

https://twitter.com/mark20067/status/229525648614502400

@London2012 Centre court yesterday – empty seats at Federer game #ticketshambles #olympics pic.twitter.com/wu5rVoDh

— Nicola O'Connor (@oconnor71) July 29, 2012

The photos being posted on Twitter seem to undercut Coe’s claim:

https://twitter.com/LYJ_Films/status/229529954772213760

@TimReidBBC: Banks of empty seats at match on Centre Court #Olympics http://t.co/nL0wcU2s” I'd have been there to fill a seat. #grrr

— Twiz (@twizzletweets) July 29, 2012

https://twitter.com/VineetBhalla/status/229552453778018304

Floorside seats at #gymnastics. Empty. #london2012 pic.twitter.com/ER3mkv7A

— Liz Larvin (@lizlarvin) July 28, 2012

@Pearcesport Hundreds of empty seats at badminton today. pic.twitter.com/mJ9FB5ka

— Damian Kerr (@damiankerr) July 29, 2012

According to the Telegraph, organizers plan to recycle tickets and ensure that seats are filled by military personnel and local children. We can see how that’s going:

Security shortfall? Send in the troops. Empty seats? Send in the troops http://t.co/AxNoNWof #ticketshambles

— Christine Burns (@christineburns) July 29, 2012

Troops brought in to fill #OlympicFamily seats at the Gymnastics – still empty pic.twitter.com/jn8XTDgv #emptyseats #London2012 #Olympicfarce

— OccupyTTIP (@OccupyTTIP) July 29, 2012

U.K. residents want to know why the Olympic organizers won’t reduce the price of tickets to increase attendance by members of the general public:

Seb Coe can say what he wants about unused tix – problem is the empty seats are ridiculously pricey…drop the price 'Lord' Coe! #London2012

— Aaron Murphy (@MurphOnIce) July 29, 2012

RT if you think @London2012 needs to release tickets at normal prices to fill those empty seats. #ticketshambles #olympics

— Denis Haman (@dhaman) July 29, 2012

Corporate sponsors who were given seats and did not use them are under fire:

Name the sponsors who haven't filled seats. Then we ordinary people can stop doing business with them #ticketshambles #Olympics #fuckers

— Sandra Barber (@BarberSandra) July 29, 2012

only way to prevent #ticketshambles is hit 'em where it hurts eg double corporate prices and refund half if they turn up

— Ian Warren (@WasdaleWarren) July 29, 2012

I see we have filled the streets no problem for the cycling race. Obviously no sponsor tickets for that event. #TicketShambles

— Darel Russell (@DarelRussell) July 29, 2012

Would have loved to have gone to any Olympics event but instead watching lots of empty corporate seats. #ticketshambles

— Simon (@SimonGreenerway) July 29, 2012

Even some Olympic athletes are grumbling:

Talk of @London2012 @Olympics here in London: When event tickets are so hard to get, why are so many gr8 seats empty at the venues on Day 1?

— Hunter Kemper (@hunterkemper) July 29, 2012

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/07/29/outcry-over-empty-seats-at-many-olympic-venues/


This Trans Woman Explains Why We Need Genderless Bathrooms

Because everyone deserves a safe space to do their business.

BuzzFeed Yellow / Via youtube.com

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/colinweatherby/this-trans-woman-explains-why-we-need-genderless-bathrooms


Politico’s Blake Hounshell distracts after Dem senator accused of plagiarism

The New York Times has alleged that Montana Democrat Sen. John Walsh plagiarized “at least” one-quarter of a 2007 thesis he turned in to earn a master’s degree from the United States Army War College. Serious allegations, right?

For Blake Hounshell of Politico, the first order of business was to provide spin and maybe a talking point for his MSM colleagues and Walsh’s fellow Dems:

It must just be sheer instinct.

***

Related:

Politico’s Blake Hounshell: Are these five Taliban guys ninjas?

‘But BOOOOOSSHH!!’ ‘Let’s play Spot the Logical Fallacy’ in Politico lapdog’s Bergdahl question

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2014/07/23/hacky-and-stupid-politicos-blake-hounshell-distracts-after-dem-senator-accused-of-plagiarism/